you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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