They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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