just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dicks are not precious.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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