its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize