Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
