you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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