My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
