It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
