ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
