We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
