Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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