What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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