Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
