I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
