How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
