You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
