You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
