Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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