Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
