You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
