Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
