my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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