its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
