Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
