I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
