Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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