Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i out mim tonsoeep
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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