So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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