fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
