Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
