I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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