Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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