Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
