just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's blow job season.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize