also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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