i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
