i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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