For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize