Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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