I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We need to rekindle our bromance
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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