Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
