There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
