you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
