I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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