I just made out with a guy for $7.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
