I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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