don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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