Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
