i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
