Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
