I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
