Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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