the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
