I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
