Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
