So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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