I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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