Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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