i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
