My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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