I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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