considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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