She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
