my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
