he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
