can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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