Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
