so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
